Leaving

Leaving

Summary: Raph can't stop worrying about his older brother. Even if he doesn't want to admit it. But he can't act like he doesn't care forever.  

Rated: PG-13 for one gruesome bloody paragraph and turtlecest.  

Paring: Raph/Leo

Genres: Family, Friendship, Romance, Hurt/Comfort.

Disclaimer: I do not and probably will never own tmnt.  

---

It was nearly pitch black as Leo and Raph swiftly ascended a flight of stairs in an unknown building. The building seemed to be a twisted combination of a hotel, mansion, and prison. According to Donatello, this new unknown building was the headquarters of the Foot Clan and the home of the Shredder. Raph couldn't even remember the events that followed him and Leo breaking into the headquarters of the Foot. Everything seemed to be a blur. The red-clad turtle figured that the day had probably been too eventful to remember. This wouldn't be the first time that had happened. But Raph couldn't even remember the reason why they were breaking into the Foot headquarters to begin with. He didn't even know why he and his older brother were climbing up what seemed to be an endless flight of stairs. But since they were in enemy territory, he figured now was not the time to be arguing with Leo. Instead, Raph hurriedly followed Leo's shell up the stairs.

The eldest turtle then suddenly halted in front of a door. Raph craned his neck to see how much higher he and his brother had to climb in order to reach the top of the building. Even through the darkness, Raph could see the metal stairs being cut off as the stairs approach the door directly above. It looked like the door directly above led to the rooftop. Leo turned to his younger brother in seriousness before whispering, "This is the floor to the Shredder's room. The Shredder has to be behind that door."

Leo then gestured to the beige wooden door behind him. Raph's eyes narrowed in question. The younger turtle asked perplexed, "How do you know?"

"Donnie told me that the floor of Shredder's room was on the top floor. Unless the Shredder happens to live on the rooftop, then this has to be the floor to his room. And my gut is telling me that he's behind this door this very second," Leo answered right away with conviction. He then turned away from his younger brother with his shell facing Raph. The eldest turtle grabbed a katana from its sheaths. Even though there was a lack of lighting, Raph was still able to make out the gleam of the katana breaking through the locking mechanism of the door. Within a matter of seconds a distinct click could be heard from the door's locking mechanism.

Raph couldn't help but shudder a little at the thought of the Shredder being right behind the door. All the turtles even Raph knew that the Shredder was a fearsome opponent. They also knew that the Shredder would have no problem killing any of the turtles when he had the chance. Leo turned to face his brother just barely catching the shudder.

"Are you alright Raph?" the eldest turtle questioned his brother worriedly. Leo knew his younger brother well enough to know that he very rarely shuddered out of fear. Since the stairwell felt rather warm on the inside, it was very unlikely that Raph was shuddering from the cold. The gesture of fear from his stubborn brother concerned the leader a little. Raph cared too much about his pride to show fear to anyone.

Raph quickly recovered from his shuddering before glowering at his older brother. He did not want to look scared in front of his older brother. Not now. The hotheaded turtle needed to show his older Leo he had his back while they faced their most dangerous opponent. Raph quickly replied, "Yeah, I'm alright. Why wouldn't I be? All we have to do is walk in, kill Spiky-Pants, then bail."

"Spiky-Pants? Did you just use the nickname Mikey came up with? I didn't think you liked the nickname," Leo laughed as quietly as he could to his brother.

"I might have. So what? The nickname is growing on me. Now less talking, and more barging in. The Shredder is not going to sit around twiddling his thumbs all day waiting for us to pound him," Raph replied quickly pushing his brother's shell gently from behind.

Leo nodded in the darkness and opened the door in front of him ever so slowly. There was a loud creak coming from the door that seemed to echo through the whole area. Nobody came from behind the door to see what the creaking was about. The two brothers promptly passed through the opening of the door not even bothering to close it. Raph heard Leo whispering at the floor to nobody in particular, "I can't believe we're actually here trying to take him down now. We must be crazy."

They had stepped into a very large carpeted room. It seemed to be Shredder's own personal living room. It was difficult to make out the details of the large room since the only light source was the stars and moon of the night time shining out of a large window from across the room. There seemed to be several couches in the middle of the room though. Leo quickly crouched behind one of the couches. Raph stared at his brother perplexed before his older brother hastily grabbed one of his hands to pull him down. The red-clad turtle knelt behind the couch next to his brother in confusion. "Leo what the-"

"Shhhhhh…." Leo hushed to his brother. He then pointed a finger in the direction across the room on the other side of the couch. The eldest turtle was pointing to the shadowy outline of a figure standing in front of the gigantic window. Raph felt his pulse quicken as he suddenly recognized the familiar outline of the Shredder standing in front of the window.

"What's he looking at?" Raph wondered silently to his brother from behind the couch. At that very moment, the Shredder didn't move from his very spot still staring at the window.

"Probably looking down at the battle Mikey and Donnie are giving his foot soldiers," Leo answered softly while tilting his head to get a better look. "Perfect. He's distracted."

"Great. Let's attack him now while he's not expecting it," Raph suggested grinning. The younger turtle was about to leap from behind the couch to attack. But Raph stayed back behind the couch when he was suddenly halted. Raph glanced down angrily before realizing that Leo still had his hand in his and was pulling him back. "What?"

"This is too easy. He's probably expecting us to just go up and attack him with our weapons. Look how far he is. He'll hear us, turn around, and then defend himself from our attacks," Leo hissed to his brother staring at the Shredder's armored back intently. Even through the darkness, Raph could still see the evident frustration in his brother's eyes. "We need to think of an unpredictable way of killing him. Something he can't defend so easily….Wait! I think I've just thought of an unpredictable but effective way to kill the Shredder."

"Okay. What genius unpredictable plan did you come up with this time?" Raph asked his brother curiously. Leo gripped his brother's hand even tighter at the question. Whatever plan Leo was thinking of, it seemed to be making the oldest turtle nervous. Through the darkness, Leo could be seen shutting his eyes in worry. "Leo? What's the idea you have? Are you in there?"

"Do you think that window he's standing in front of is made out of glass?" Leo asked his brother staring up at the massive window the Shredder was standing in front of. Raph peered over at the window his brother was looking at. There was no way to tell what material the window was made out of.

"I dunno. I suppose so. What does that have to do with anything though? Who cares what material that window is made out of? What about the idea you were talking about?" Raph questioned his brother puzzled. The younger turtle grew concerned for his brother as Leo didn't seem to register that he heard his brother. In fact, Leo didn't take his eyes off the large window from across the room. He seemed too transfixed on the stars, the moon, and the New York City lights outside of the window. "Leo?"

"If we don't kill Shredder today, then we're all in danger. Our whole family is at a huge risk of being killed by either the Shredder or the Foot if he's not taken down now. People will get hurt if he's still alive. Am I right?" Leo asked his brother seriously. The eldest turtle's eyes darkened as he turned to face his brother. Raph felt his breathing quicken. Something didn't feel right about the way Leo was looking at him. The way Leo spoke to him, the way Leo acted made him feel uneasy. His brother was thinking of something troubling. But since Raph didn't know what that troubling thought might be, he didn't bring it up.

"Yeah you're right. But what about the idea you mentioned earlier? You said you had an unpredictable idea to kill Shredder? What is it?" Raph asked quickly hoping that they could kill the Shredder as soon as possible. Later when they get back home, Raph was going to confront Leo about his troubling thought. But for now they had to focus on the Shredder

"The idea to kill Shredder? Yeah I have one. And it will work. But you're not going to like it," Leo answered darkly. The grasp on Raph's hand loosened. This gesture alone told Raph that Leo was about to go jump in and put his plan to action.

But before Raph could even stop or question his brother, Leo leaned in to give his brother a warm kiss on the beak. This shocked the hotheaded turtle momentarily. The action his eldest brother displayed was very inappropriate given the situation at hand. Raph got lost in the kiss very easily though, before Leo quickly pulled away and whispered, "I'm sorry."

The kiss alone stunned Raph just long enough for Leo to gracefully flip over the couch. As Leo had expected, the Shredder turned around laughing. His metal arms rose defensively expecting the eldest turtle to attack him with his katana. The deep voice of the Shredder cackled, "You fell right into my trap turtle-ARRGGGHHHH!"

Leo had done the unpredictable. Instead of pulling out his katana to give the Shredder a straightforward attack, the eldest turtle instead lowered his head and flung himself towards Shredder's torso. Raph and Shredder's eyes both widened in surprise at the unexpected move. Before Raph could register what his insane brother was doing, Leo tackled the Shredder mid-torso, throwing the Shredder and himself against the window. The entire window shattered the second the Shredder's armor made impact with the fragile window. Leo and the Shredder were both hurled out the window because of the tackle.

"LEO!" Raph roared as he vaulted over the couch and sprinted towards the now shattered window. The red-clad turtle gasped as he poked his head out the window to see both the Shredder and Leo falling still falling midair. Even though the building was about 20 to 40 stories, Raph prayed that his brother somehow survived the fall. He would never forgive himself if his brother died while he could have stopped it.

Raph instantly turned around before he dashed out the door that he and his brother had left open. He sprinted down the stairs as fast as could, before directly hopping down the main floor from the second floor. His heartbeat quickened in full blown panic. The red-clad turtle felt himself gasping for breath not out of exhaustion, but out of terror. Raph barged through the revolving doors glancing at every which way. He then dropped down to his knees at the sight before him.

The last of the foot ninjas were gone, in their place stood the lifeless body of the Shredder. Right next to the armored man, laid Leo's mangled body. To Raph's utter horror, his older brother's body was the worst sight he could imagine. Bones were protruding out of Leo's skin every which way. The head of the eldest turtle was splattered open on the ground, with a stream of blood steadily pouring out of his head and on to the pavement.

Leonardo was dead.

---

"NO!" Raph screamed as his eyes burst open. He sat up gasping for breath in full blown panic. As his eyes adjusted to darkness, the mutant turtle suddenly realized he was in his bedroom lying on his hammock. It didn't take long for Raph to come to the obvious conclusion that he just had a terrible nightmare. The red-clad turtle had several nightmares of his older brother's death as of recently. Several sleepless nights came as a result of these nightmares. Nobody in the lair ever heard Raph's uncharacteristic screams after waking up from these nightmares. Nobody then knew about the nightmares. Because Raph wouldn't dare tell anybody about his nightmares even though they became more and more frequent.

Even though the nightmares started appearing more frequently, the hotheaded turtle still couldn't get used to them. They seemed so real. All of them were about different gruesome ways of Leo dying. Every single one of them seemed so realistic. The last nightmare in particular was so vivid and so realistic that it could've easily been a memory and not a nightmare. Raph felt his fingers lightly touch his cheeks. He instantly felt the salty tears streaming down his face. The mutant turtle mentally scowled himself for crying like this. He almost never cried. It was nightmares like these that made Raph vulnerable enough to cry. But outside of his bedroom walls, not a single tear was shed from the red-clad turtle since he was ten. And he was going to keep it that way.

The nightmare Raph had woken up to in particular seemed so realistic though, that it could've been a memory. That's why the mutant turtle decided to get up from his hammock, out the bedroom, to go check on his leader. He just had to make sure that his brother was alive. There was a strong part of him that was convinced that his nightmare was real and that the brother he loved was dead.

Raph approached his older brother's bedroom cautiously. If Leo was in there sound asleep, Raph didn't want to have to explain himself if his older brother woke up. As he approached the bedroom, the younger turtle leaned in to listen for his brother's snores. All there was to be heard was dead silence. But that was to be expected since unlike Mikey and sometimes Donnie, Leo didn't snore. In fact, the leader was usually still and silent when he sleeps. Unfortunately for Raph, Leo's silent sleeping made it impossible for the hothead to hear if his brother was awake or asleep.

Raph poked his head carefully into his brother's dark bedroom. He could make out from across the bedroom his older brother lying as still as a boulder under his bed sheets. Leo was probably sound asleep more likely than not. But Raph couldn't see the rise and fall of his brother's breathing, or any movement for that matter. The red-clad turtle noiselessly made his way into the bedroom in order to see his older brother up close. He was desperate for any signs of life from the turtle who died many times in his nightmares.

Raph must not have approached his brother noiselessly enough. Leo suddenly sat up quickly from his bed. He could sense that someone else was in his bedroom besides himself. The eldest turtle rubbed his eyes while asking, "Is somebody in here?"

Raph held his breath and was about turn to leave the scene when Leo called out, "Raph, what are you doing here?"

"Sleepwalking. Go back to sleep Leo. There's nothing to worry about," Raph answered almost too hastily. The younger turtle couldn't help but meet his older brother's perplexed gaze. Leo frowned.

"You're a terrible liar Raph," Leo told his brother before he could walk out of the room. "Are you alright Raph?"

Are you alright Raph? That was the same question Leo just asked him in his nightmare earlier, in the exact same tone too. Raph couldn't help but wince at the question. The Leo that was looking at him right now from the bed was exactly like the Leo in his nightmare. In fact, the Leo who was staring at him that very moment was exactly like the Leos who died in all his nightmares. Raph couldn't bring himself to look at his brother. He was worried that his brother could die at any second because he was in another one of his realistic nightmares.

Ignoring the question, the hothead turtle quickly turned to leave the bedroom. Leo stared after his brother baffled.

Raph found himself curled up on one of the living room couches. He didn't feel like going back to his own bedroom. Sleep was never going to come. The memory of his dead brother was too engraved in his mind.

To Raph's annoyance he heard the footsteps of someone else behind him. The hothead turtle growled at the presence behind him, "Go away Leo. I don't want to see your smug face right now."

"Well I'm not here to respect your wishes," Leo yawned from behind his brother. Raph felt the weight of his brother sitting on the opposite side of the couch. Instead of meeting his brother's gaze, the hotheaded turtle let his gaze wander absentmindedly on the living room floor. Raph wanted to hate his brother so badly. It would make the image of his brother dead a lot less painful. Leo was squarely facing his brother from the other end or the couch, hugging his knees closer to his chest. "So why were you in my room?"

"What part of 'there's nothing to worry about' do you not understand? Drop it and go back to bed," Raph grumbled frustrated.

"The 'nothing' part, because clearly there's something to worry about," Leo answered confidently. The eldest turtle scooted himself closer to his brother on the other side of the couch. Raph noticed his brother's movement towards him and instantly moved himself as far away from his brother as possible without falling off the couch. Raph ended up curled on the far corner of the couch. Leo eyed his brother suspiciously as his brother moved away from him. "Geez Raph, are you scared of me or something?"

Leo edged his way closer to his younger brother until they were only a couple inches apart. Raph felt his brother's warm breath on the side his cheek causing him to shiver in response. The younger turtle replied quietly, "I had a stupid nightmare. So I'm a little on the edge. Okay?"

"Well that's a first. I didn't think you could even get nightmares. At least…..you've never told me about them. Mikey and Donnie have come to me about their nightmares for years. How come after all these years this is the first time you've come to me about your nightmares?" Leo wondered out loud to his brother. Then the older turtle's eyes widened in realization. "Your nightmare had something to do with me. Didn't it? That would explain why you're trembling because of my presence."

"I'm not trembling in fear by your underwhelming presence if that's what you're wondering," Raph replied bitterly. Leo became unconvinced when the he lightly touched his younger brother's arm, causing the younger turtle to subconsciously twitch.

"That's exactly what I'm wondering actually. Minus the 'underwhelming' part," Leo sighed gazing at his brother in disbelief. "So what horrible thing did I do in your nightmare?"

"You died in all my nightmares," Raph blurted in a quiet murmur just loud enough for Leo to hear.

"Hold on minute. You've had other nightmares as well? Why?" Leo questioned his brother still full of concern. Raph wanted nothing more than to leave the room right then and there, but his brother's scent was too enticing. He remembered the warm kiss his brother gave him before he died in his nightmare, and wanted nothing more than to relive that brief kiss. Thinking about that kiss then made Raph realize why he was having those nightmares to begin with.

"Because you're leaving," Raph answered simply. He tried to make his answer sound as cold as possible, but it ended up sounding a little frail.

"I'm not leaving anywhere. Why would you think that? I'm not going to die. I'm not going to leave my brothers. If that's what you're talking about," Leo replied in full concern.

"Yes you are. You started leaving the first time we ever went up to topside. I don't know how you're leaving just yet. But you're leaving. You keep on risking your life to save everyone's neck more than anyone else has. Every time you play the hero, and risk your life. You risk death, thus leaving permanently. And if you don't leave by death, you'll find another way to leave. You're sick of just having brothers. We're not enough for you anymore. You may not be leaving physically. Yet. But you're certainly leaving me spiritually," Raph explained almost furious with his brother. He then quietly added, "That was a horrible explanation on my part by the way. I can't explain these things to save my life. It's just really hard to explain right now."

"No I understand. I get it now," Leo breathed smiling a little while inching closer to Raph. The red-clad turtle shivered some more at his brother's overpowering scent. The eldest turtle grabbed on to his younger brother's hand. "You're worried I'm going to leave you for death or for someone else."

Raph calmly nodded not really thinking straight as he felt his brother's arm touch his. His toes curled and his breathing hitched when he felt his older brother's hand stroke his face. The hotheaded turtle peered over at his brother's face which was just inches away from his. There was something about the closeness that was very alluring to the younger turtle. It got the point where his older brother became too irresistible. Before Raph knew it, he felt himself lean in to kiss his brother on the beak. Leo returned the kiss quickly. The kiss Raph was feeling at the moment felt much more gratifying than the one in the nightmare. That alone, proved to Raph that this was very much real and not something that was going on in his head.

The two turtles pulled away fairly quickly. Leo didn't pull away from his brother fully though. He had one hand clutching his younger brother's bicep and another hand on his younger brother's shell. Raph unconsciously wrapped his arms around his brother's shell to pull him in closer until they leaned in to the point where their foreheads were touching. Leo grinned at his brother before whispering huskily, "I knew it."

"Knew what?" Raph asked his brother momentarily confused.

"You," Leo replied smirking. Raph nodded understanding the vague answer. The eldest turtle's face then hardened into the familiar serious Leo Raph knew. With their foreheads still touching Leo told Raph in a hushed but clear voice, "Understand this Raph. I would never, I mean never in a million years leave you for somebody else. I love you too much to do that. And second of all, I'm not going to die for the sake of heroics. I've got too much to live for. You know that. I'm going to do everything in my power to live for you and for our family. I'll only put my life as risk when somebody else in this family has their life is at risk. Please stop thinking that I'm leaving you. I'm not leaving you physically or spiritually. That's not my intention. These nightmares are all in your head. And will stay in your head if I have anything to say about it."

Raph didn't say anything but gave Leo a brief smile in response. Exhaustion came over him because of the many sleepless nights he had. Leo gently kissed him on the forehead before Raph pulled him in even closer until his older brother's weight was collapsed onto his. Leo's head nestled into his neck and shoulder. The eldest turtle's arms and legs wrapped lazily around his younger brother. Steady breathing told Raph that his older brother was about to fall asleep right on top of him while they both were still on the couch. But Raph didn't try to push him off. The younger turtle's heavy eyelids were already closed shut from the exhaustion and he found himself comfortably asleep within minutes.